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Reflections

When I was a kid, I would simply look in the mirror and think of it not as a mere reflecting surface, but as a doorway to an alternate reality. Where there was another me but with a different reality, and we could only see each other in these mirror reflections. Because somehow, the mirror connects us.

I would even talk to my reflection mentally, and mentally create stories about life at the other end. Somehow, my reflection never complained about things, since, in my head, things were better in the other dimension- a better school, a set of fancy toys, and great friends to play with who wouldn't make her feel left out. On the other side, the kid had access to a lot of other fine things in life. It was my way to see myself living a better life, things that I desired as a kid.


It stopped after a certain age of course. I was a kid and kids have a powerful imagination. With time that imagination was covered with science and reality and the mirror was just a mirror. The reason I stopped as a kid was, I never cracked the code to open a portal to enter a better world. It used to make me sad, that I can never be at the other end.


What makes me sad even today is that years later, I am all grown up, and, I still look in the mirror and I find that things are never good enough at this end. Although I'm aware that there is no direct portal to a better life, there isn't a portal to a sense of satisfaction either. I'm discontent here too, sometimes with myself, with my job, or let's just say life itself. The kid in me wanted a magical opening to a better world, the adult in me wants the same thing.


Maybe, it's the way we function. We need to be discontent with where we are now, to push ourselves daily be in a better place. Maybe at some point, my life would mimic the life I imagined to live in. But for that, I need to continue to be at this end. The end where nothing is good enough. Where all the better things are still locked away beyond a mirror, beyond what I am now, with my future self.


I know I will get there eventually, if not with a feeling of content but at least with some progress, for I keep telling myself I am not in the same place I was years ago. That the reflection I see is better than all those times before. For now, when I look in the mirror, I know I don't want to be on the other side of the mirror, but stay here and make it better.

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